Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found the puke drawer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
