i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize