Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
