We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
