She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
