Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
