Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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