dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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