His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
