I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
