I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize