we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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