i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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