all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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