he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
