Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I pour the whiskey from now on
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
