tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
