So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
