thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
