Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
