ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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