sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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