the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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