i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
