I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
