So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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