I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
