This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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