Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
