Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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