and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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