I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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