so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
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Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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