he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
