I feel like I'm in dance class right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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