Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
