I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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