final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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