The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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