Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
