he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
