covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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