whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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