Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
