conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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