just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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