Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
