Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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