around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
