were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
