is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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