just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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