I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
