Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
