she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
