3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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