at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
