I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize