i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
