I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
