i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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