Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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