I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
