Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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