guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize