He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
