He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
