Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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