Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
