The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
